Vic Tayback, Donny Most, and Hugo, Man of 1000 Faces, were heading north out of Mt. Vernon, IL, onto I-57.
Vic, at the wheel, patted his gut lightly. "That buffet kinda sucked. We shoulda went to the Chinese place."
"Yea," agreed Donny.
"Of course," Vic continued, "they probably woulda put Hugo to work bussin tables. Ha!"
Hugo sat in the backseat, expressionless, staring forward. It was overcast, starting to mist a little, with darker skies ahead. "You're hysterical, old man. I never get tired of hearing that one," he replied sharply, with his pinched, midget voice.
Hugo's shirt did resemble your stereotypical Chinese waiter's shirt. Sort of. A blue denim long-sleeve pull over with a Nehru collar and a black shoestring laced through 3 holes on each side of the V-neck. Cheaply made, nearly paper thin fabric. Hugo had no legs, just an upper torso, was 18 inches tall, with a bald head, and bright, vacant blue eyes. He was a master of disguise, with a seemingly never ending supply of a fake chins, fangs, crazy looking eyes, scars, wigs, beards, eye patches, and more, along with an adhesive substance to apply and remove as needed. He was also the model for a startlingly lifelike replica doll, sold by Kenner with moderate success in the 70's and mid 80's.
But he wore just the one shirt, and Vic liked giving him shit about it. "Hahahaha!! That's right! And I never get tired of sayin' it either! Now go get me my egg roll, Yang Fu!" Vic reached into the backseat with his right arm, and clumsily tried pulling the drawstrings on his shirt up. Hugo flung himself away from Vic's meaty digit, falling on his side in the other seat, letting out a slight gasp. "We just need a shitty laugh track to make this completely unbearable," the feisty little man spat out, exasperated.
Donny Most opened up the glove box, eyed the half-ounce of brown, dirt weed, and slammed it quickly in disgust. It didn't catch, and he slapped it back up again, with the same result.
"You're gonna fuckin break it Most! Cool out!" Vic barked.
Donny let it lay open for the time being, but was visibly steamed. He'd been on the road with Vic all summer and was starting to feel like this was a big mistake. In the crevice of the glove compartment door hinge was a brownish line of crushed up food remnants, pot, dirt, and other miscellaneous crap like you'd find in a couch lining. The texture was weed-like enough that they'd tried to smoke it before when they were dry, but it tasted awful, like burnt food and didn't get them high at all.
In the glove compartment were a handful of pill bottles for Vic, who'd turned 65 at the beginning of the year. Nothing fun though, just blood pressure medicine, heart pills, anti-inflammatories, and whatnot. Vic Tayback was an actor, best known for his role in the TV sitcom "Alice", where he played "Mel Sharples", cook and owner of the restaurant the series was based around. The show ended it's nine season run in 1985, and afterwards Vic worked less, occasional roles in made for tv movies, a few commercials, until he faked his death in 1990, fueled by increasing paranoia and heavy gambling debts.
Hugo encouraged, aided and abetted this decision, with the help of a few favors owed him from some low-level underworld contacts. Hugo was on the lam, for tax evasion, and he and Vic had been driving around different parts of rural America, getting by on their wits, the kindness of strangers, the occasional petty theft or grift, and their dwindling savings.
Donny ran into the two at a private card game. He recognized Vic, a fellow actor, who entrusted him with their story. Donny was shocked, but intrigued by it. He relished the idea of a life of freedom on the road, and asked if he could accompany them. Since Donny wasn't wanted by the authorities, and seemed a reliable, easy going type, they welcomed him aboard.
Because they could all play an instrument (Mel-bass, Hugo-drums and keyboard, Most-guitar), Donny suggested they start a band, playing covers in bars to make a few bucks. Although it was discussed enthusiastically a few times, no steps had yet been taken to make this a reality.
Donny Most had played "Ralph Malph" on the discontinued, legendary hit TV show "Happy Days". Like Vic, he found work hard to come by after his gig ended, which he left by choice in 1980. With his career consisting mainly of voice over roles on Saturday morning cartoon shows, he was restless and unsatisfied. He hadn't adapted to the drop off well, and yearned for a different direction, a new chapter.
He wanted to rock.
So far, that wasn't happening.
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