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1- The first happened when you weren't looking, still in high school and dating a man with gray hair. The Summer of Mercy and protesters prayed the rosary outside all three of the clinics. There were no fences to protect you from their shouts (that came later). You went to the clinic the least crowded, and the nurse gave you Valium for the first time. You slept and dreamt of a green apple with five seeds at the core that fell ...
-2-
True love the second time; but it was decided early on what would be done, still though you cried for hours in the bathtub so that he would not hear your wish. And, when you arrived at the clinic there was no crowd-only one young priest (the fence was only half way up). He handed you a fake candy-striped carnation and a pamphlet on choices. The flower you tied on the rearview mirror; the pamphlet you dropped to the floorboard stepping on it as you closed the door. Your lover's hands were sweaty when you woke up, slipped over your face and through your hair ...
-3-
One never happened. Only discussed between each other in the dark when he would have rather slept. You let yourself go. You started to stretch slowly toward him in the bed, till you touched belly button to belly button, until you became so big that there was no room in the bed for him anymore. He moved to the couch, then out to the hallway, and from there to the car. When you stopped growing something was wrong with the baby, he came out blue and never grasped for breath ...
-4-
This time it was a repeat lover. A one last chance to make sure it didn't work. It was when he broke all your records that you realized what had happened. He didn't go with you to the clinic (the fence was all the way up for complete privacy). Your friend passed her wedding ring in front of your belly, it circled counter clockwise. Twice. A girl. You dreamt of dancing with her in lavender fields and never waking up...
5-
This time was the last. You were in denial and waited almost too long so that it became a two-day process that involved $400 more plus the use of sea weed. Before you could make that last visit to the clinic (the fence didn't matter anymore. You had learned to block out the cries) you placed five Russian nesting dolls side by side on the mantle, named and bathed them with blessed water that a Zen monk gave you. For your water-children, who swim through your dreams and whisper that they love you....
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